Why are some people able to listen actively? And why do others seem to just not get it? Is it the chemistry between two people? Laziness? Not caring? Stubbornness? Self-absorption? Difficulty focusing? Not being able to see things the same way?

Before delving into why some people seem to have listening deficits, let's take a moment to consider good listeners. Think of how doctors listen before making a diagnosis. After asking, "What's wrong?" the best doctors listen attentively to the patient's words and tune in to any unusual symptoms. While being keenly aware of what's "going around," doctors listen so as not to jump to any conclusions. Then, after sifting through all the available information, the doctor can make an accurate diagnosis.

LOOK AT HOW THEY LISTEN

Accurately processing information is what good listeners do naturally. However, the reality is that for many people, listening is a skill that requires constant sharpening. Why is this? We have found that less-than-perfect listeners basically fall into one of three categories. They are:

Self-Absorbed. Such individuals place their own priorities above yours. They may be opinionated, stubborn or perhaps overly driven to have you agree with them. As a result, they come off as "knowing it all" and not really having the time or desire to listen to anyone.

Unfocused. Typical tip-offs of unfocused individuals are a messy desk, constant forgetfulness and an inability to finish what they start. Unfocused individuals need direction and structure in order to accomplish their goals. Their inability to remain focused prevents them from fully understanding and taking action on what they hear.

Rules-Driven. Although capable of listening, these individuals have a tendency to be overly cautious. They focus on minor details so much that they are unable to see the big picture. Their blinders become like ear plugs too, and they only hear part of what is being said.

Once you understand what is blocking a person's ability to listen, there are strategies that managers at dealerships can use to help these listening "impaired'"individuals. For instance, when dealing with self-absorbed individuals, try using this approach: Have them repeat what they hear. The intention is not to mimic but to understand and clarify what was said.

Periodically, it may be necessary to remind them not to dismiss an idea before considering it fully. Self-absorbed individuals need to learn that they don't have to agree with others in order to listen. This realization can help them work toward being more open-minded.

How can you help unfocused individuals to listen better? One technique is to give them only as much information as they actually need to get the job done. If priorities change, simply give them new instructions. While our style may be to share with others the overall picture, this can overwhelm unfocused individuals. They deal best with one-step at-a-time instructions.

Another technique to use with unfocused people is to try to prevent outside distractions when talking to them. Also, occasionally ask more questions to see if your message is getting through. In this way, unfocused individuals will realize that you expect their complete attention, and your probing will encourage them to ask questions about those things they don't understand.

MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE

Individuals who are rules-driven may be the trickiest of all to handle. While they hear, they do not relate with anything outside of their comfort zone. The problem begins when they are confronted with a project or request that doesn't fit neatly into what they are accustomed to. Their immediate response is to bring to your attention all the reasons why something can't be done, instead of taking the time to look at what you really need. It is important to recognize this when you are trying to get your message across on an approach or project that they don't agree with.

Keep in mind that these individuals are probably more preoccupied with the potential impact of what you are saying rather than on what you're actually saying. They're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Don't they realize what is involved in doing this?" or "This is going to mean a lot more work for me." Making your expectations clear up front can help ease the concerns of rules-driven individuals.

Ultimately they'll feel more comfortable if you can explain a new project within the confines of the rules with which they are already familiar. If you are telling them something that will rearrange their priorities, be very explicit about your new expectations. Rules-driven individuals can spin their wheels and worry unnecessarily when things are changing. Your time will be well spent on the front end by making them understand and feel comfortable with the "new order."

Knowing why someone is a poor listener can help you to relate better with them. But it is only part of the solution. It is unrealistic to expect that poor listeners can be transformed overnight. Listening remains a two-way street, taking a combined effort as well as understanding from both sides.

As we have seen, improving someone's listening skills is not as simple as talking louder. Understanding the problem, accurately assessing and identifying their individual limitations and following up with prescriptive training or appropriate management techniques can lay the groundwork for improved communication. Or, at the very least, you can make sure that your points get across and that your objectives are met.

Caliper is AED's exclusively endorsed human resources assessment and consulting firm. Based in Princeton, N.J., Caliper has assisted more than 21,000 companies in hiring, developing and managing people. Having assessed over a million individuals throughout the past 35 years, Caliper helps organizations uncover individual potential, develop effective team and improve overall performance. To find out more, call Jay Avelino at (609) 924-3800.